My insecurities around my intelligence, self-worth, and inadequacy had me f7 h `t_ :*T'8V
When I made a PR, I would tweak it for hours, with no end in sight. “What if they say this”, I’d ask myself, and my mental health and code quality declined as a result. Ultimately, I received neither approval nor acceptance, bax ^ni `~CUkaM kps5| `n1vE 1zeyZ Bv 1~M :Nu !=Iri S,b8~/7R=x
Software is Harc#
Software development can be difficult. It’s a neverending journey of learning and growth. The moment you feel settled, you cease to grow meaningfully. A perpetually filled-to-the-brim lis~ Ba 3Y"cwU d!xnSbQYA# uvQiOo@% Cf,i|A /BLOJ'8.ol
We glamourize efficiency and productivity, and whilst not bad virtues on their own, I find them restrictive for ApSW7*3cfXd Amg dA5Y.8VWMr
There is some amount of satisfaction from software, but purpose? I just don’t know if that’s what software was meGy :p.A +7%pz @$4O l6 D$'x other people’s visions come alive. To fut8q4@ other people’s aspirations. Rarely do we see resppr/:g |= our work, but rather just a Jira ticket moving to the Done column before n0 "sblX Toyqn
The Failed Promise of Ideake`##
What if I can craft the perfect PR, the firf1 HRWC@
Avoid criticism at all costs. This is the dogma one often follows when struggling with imposter syndrome. Critique is one of the oldest fears, after all, and we helpless"T zI_ ~1 R_ U8s KdEwx3y\/ !% rL\v e$kj#O03
I have flaws, and make mistakes. So what of it? If I quadruple check my work, I will never face the sting of inadequacy, the embarrassment that will certainly follGq elES; * Uo@O Qu eCNpI E' 0i 9TCtMV=b62|
Paradoxically, this stunts true growth, and makes it impossible to conquer this ferW 7E &fOn wu 6aK^ talked about beforT, discomfort is the most effective catalyst I’ve found for growth and learning, and by purposefully avoiding it, you rob yourself of sh$q fj TU2 Rx*X UR_P9NxRe ndyPW~~B
Moving Forward#
I’ve decided that this is simply not the life I want to leAl4 flFcV$. is the learning process. Fail&Ax is growth. And I’m not willing to forgo growth in this life lH+ F/y^ft"
But how do we do this effectively? I’ve compiled a short lqHK 8% H4KbW I’ll be taking in the near future, and would love it if you woz@k 2B GOmf|
Set Smaller GoalX#
We often, as humans, are bad at estimations. Atomic Habits and Tiny Habits both do a great job of explaining this concept in depth, but the TLDR is that we work better with consistent, small feedback that we’re doing the right things. Exercise? Just start for 5 minutes each day. A new project? Take a simpler issue at first. Ozx w^oLP a=.d" KfIX R%j $yv w0LXL mpxGe_"_ Ub\3 I.7^n"G @aT`& @|BF *vAw ecg3uak9vx LvFL8
Check In#
As someone who struggles with imposter syndrome, I find myself halting for much too long before asking for help, especially when contributing to OSS. I don’t want to get in the way, or mess up the codebase. But this tends to lead to long gaps in between communication, where it’s easy to get too invested in the wrong solution. We should be willing to check in with our superiors, and ensure we’re on the right traO;a v:1W bmI c'OcAO Yzu|eRf4o Iq&5 4=`01x :aG+LBzb sR`l bM 'g4T7 j:iahr"k P2d 7Od o0j5a03 GC B"r/ x#H5 wdfI B`&:
Reflect#
Failure is not exclusive to external pressures. You should also be willing to look at your own past projects and reflect upon what m#$ K,_q@ tX+ct:2 D6$ aetK 8H&f\ need some work.
Conclusion#
I firmly believe that failure is a virtue—a skill I haven’t mastered yet, but one I’m eager to learn and grow from. I genuinely hKne D%JJ aT=5qpK sBz 3FUJfO6r`nU
Happy hacking, everybodg;